The term self-love has become transparent from its incessant references, sometimes even superficial, in the last several years. However, the subject still remains the foundation for everything we do; our self-love sets the boundaries for our accomplishments. Self-love is undoubtedly the reason why and how we do and don’t do everything daily. I mean, from how we make our beds, to how we dress and walk, to how our cars look inside, to how we treat others, to what we eat, everything is interconnected to self-love.
Self-love is the key to our personality and behavior.
How much you love yourself and, therefore, how you see yourself affects your business as well. Your level of accomplishments, whether you hit a rank and keep it, your monthly volume, how your team works, etc, will be directly proportionate to the amount of love you have for yourself. Am I making sense to you?
For instance, if your business is to sell a product, and for that you call prospects on the phone, your tone of voice, work ethic, attitude, persistence, and end results will be based upon how much you love yourself. If you love yourself, you are confident, secure, poised, calm, you are loving and caring to your prospects and clients, and at the same time, you have a tone of voice that says, “I have value; I am a force to be reckoned with“.
On the other hand, if you are struggling with self-hatred, your behavior will demonstrate such state of mind. You will act fearful, insecure, depressed, with a hint of suppressed anger in your demeanor (or just plain angry). And you will inevitably attract rejection, product returns, liars, telephone hang-ups, a team that doesn’t follow your lead, etc. For we receive what we put out into the universe. And when we are in a state of self-hatred, people unconsciously perceive it and react to it by not giving us what you want – the sale, the respect, the trust.
Lack of self-love may be caused by unforgiveness, fear, abuse, bad parenting, rejection, and mostly it is caused by not forgiving ourselves and not accepting the past. We must take this seriously. This is not something we should just read and save in the “interesting stuff I’ll do one day” drawer.
Here’s why we cannot afford to go around the world with a bad self-image: it is almost as though we had a sign in our forehead that said, “don’t like me, mistreat me, abuse me, don’t buy my product…”. It also sends a message to our bodies that affects the way everything functions – from our immune system to our digestion, to our joints but more about how it affects our body in another blog.
If your view of yourself is distorted, so will the view of others towards you be distorted.
But, how do you do it? How do you start loving yourself?
There are many ways to heal; I am going to share with you some of the ones I have personally used.
- First agree with yourself that you are willing to forgive yourself, everyone, and everything. This is the basis of your success with these tools, and you need to first be willing.
- Make a list of everything that comes to mind right now that you have to forgive yourself for, i.e. the times you have embarrassed yourself, the mistakes you have made in your businesses, the time you have wasted, the way you have let your body get into the shape it is, the abusive relationship you were or are into… the way you have treated your children and spouse, the time you cheated, the abortion… those are some examples. Once you have that list, begin to forgive yourself. This is NOT an easy process. Ask God, the universe, the Source, the Holy Spirit, your higher self, however you like to call it for help. Ask that you will be guided and assisted with the process of forgiving yourself. Have compassion for yourself. Please. This is a life-changing process that takes time and commitment.
- Make a list of everyone who has ever hurt you (or anyone you love) that you need to forgive. If someone comes to mind, and you think, “no, I don’t need to forgive her/him”, that means you do need to forgive that person. It usually starts with our parents, then siblings, teachers, business partners, upline, downline, coaches, friends, romantic partners, etc… repeat the process several times until you think of that person and you can imagine holding them, smiling, and wishing them the very best with true love and compassion.
- Stand in front of the mirror every day, look at yourself in your eyes, say your name, and then, “I love you”. The first few times this mirror exercise might seem silly, and it will be uncomfortable. Some people even cry. I cried the first time I did it. I had so much against myself, it seemed unbearable to have to look in my own eyes and say, “Damaysi, I love you”. But I did it and still do it (this process never ends).
- Write down 2 lists: one of your good qualities, strengths, and good decisions you have made in your life. And another one of the times you dishonor yourself and do not love yourself (i.e. when you overeat, don’t drink enough water, criticize yourself, don’t exercise, lie to yourself, etc…) Realize you are amazing, strong, and badass 😉
- Get into the habit of being grateful to yourself every night going through a list of the positive things you did that day. You don’t have to write them down, but go through them in your mind. Look into a mirror for this exercise as well. This will increase its effects. This tool alone will dramatically change how you treat yourself!
- Get into the habit of forgiving yourself and being compassionate to yourself daily.
- Do something you enjoy doing everyday. If a guilt thought comes, just gently say to it, “I love myself and I want to spend this time doing this one thing.” Some examples are, painting, writing, taking a bubble bath, going for a walk, going to the gym, going in a sauna, getting a massage, dancing, singing, playing an instrument, or simply taking a nap. I can already hear you say that you don’t have time. Do you have time to hate yourself and feel like crap? No. Then, find a few minutes a day to honor yourself and do something YOU enjoy.
It is perfectly normal that at the beginning you will meet with some inconsistency in the way you feel and act. However, do not allow this to deter you from practicing the tools I just gave you. You have to be stronger than your previous mental conditioning. Show yourself, your loved ones, your team, your clients, what it means to truly love oneself, and be the light in their life. You don’t have to announce to your team you are going to start loving yourself. Just do it; they will notice a change.
You deserve all the love and compassion you can possibly give to yourself. Enough of self-hatred and self-critizism. Don’t ever criticize yourself again. By the way, the world is waiting for you to love and forgive yourself. For as you do, your light will shine upon all of us, and you will be authentic, beautiful, strong… fulfilling your purpose and giving us all permission to do the same.
If you take this as seriously as your life depended on it (it does), then, you will see an immediate change in your business, your work, your health, and how those around you treat you. Come back and let me know how it goes.