It is Okay If You Do Not Fit In

Hello my dear friend,

If you find you are always trying to fit in, read on…

I used to be a great “fitter-inner”. Yet I was always in that unquenchable search for acceptance. I didn’t feel accepted; I didn’t accept myself.

I personally have never felt as if I fit in any school group or work environment. For the most part, I have always felt an outsider – the girl with the strange way of thinking, the girl who talks way too deep and way too bold for the average person.

The “fitter-inner” strives to acclimate to the environment  at hand, whether it is the office, church, networking group, book club, social media, family, or any other environment. And that shit is exhausting.

I stopped trying to fit it. I stopped. Do you know why? Because it was making me misserable. I am a much better person when I am 100% authentic.

And guess what else? When I am authentic, I give others permission to do the same. Because I am free, I automatically allow you to be free as well.

Now, here is what happens when we try to fit in, we put our worthiness on the table. And when something goes wrong such as a rejection from a coworker or client, a moment of ridicule, a bad day at the office, your boyfriend is not texting you back, then our worthiness inmediately suffers the damage. Obviously, none of this is conceptually real since you are a beautiful, powerful, being just as you are, but it is a product of our thoughts and perceptions, and it feels as real as a punch in the stomach. It feels painful, and dark, and it feels like we are worthless. And I don’t know about you, but that was one of the worst emotions I used to feel – the emotion of not being any good, of worthlessness.

I always want to be as authentic as I possibly can. Here is what happens, though, it is not enough to say, “I am authentic now”. Don’t bullshit yourself. It takes a lot of inner work to even know who you are. It takes hours of writing and meditation and introspection.

And… besides the work that it takes and while we are working and empowering ourselves, we are still afraid of judgement. Yes, we are. It is normal to not want to be judged. It is in our wiring.

Please, my friend, internalize this: if others judge you, it’s their very personal problem. Same goes the other way – whatever you judge in another is the reflection of what you are trying to hide within yourself. And going a little deeper, whatever you are afraid of being judged for you are constantly attracting. Yes. We attract what we focus on. So focus on all the things you like about yourself.

But going back to the subject, whatever issue others think they see in you is a projection of their own issues. The day you truly are at peace with this, is the day you won’t care about impressing others anymore. That will be the day you will express your soul with fulness via the way you talk and what you say, you will dress how you truly have always wanted to dress, you will write from the depths of your heart, you will stop wearing makeup, or you will start wearing it, you will cook and eat how you want, laugh loud if you want, and you will, with much gratitude, accept your imperfectly-perfect self just as you came to this life to be.

You are worthy of being authentic. Now go be it, and be at peace.

Much love,

Damaysi